Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
