Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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