2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
