Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
