You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you win again, gameday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
