I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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