Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
