Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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