Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
