theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's blow job season.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
