Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
