eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
