Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
