hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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