I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
