If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
