I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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