so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
