I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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