i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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