I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found puke in my bra..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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