well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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