he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
