Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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