sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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