he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
