Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
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I cut my penus on the lid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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