FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
