You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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