So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
