I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
