I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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