I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize