The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Randomize
