I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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