u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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