What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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