I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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