I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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