as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
