Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
