I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
