my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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