Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
