yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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