And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
