Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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