He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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