My first STD was from a foam party
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
