Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
