I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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