I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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