He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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