I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
