I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
