I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
