I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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