In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
