you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
