Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
