I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
