How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
