what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
