I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
