God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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