I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
