im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
