I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
