I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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