i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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