so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
